Enjoy the depression

Hello wordpress, hello world, well its more like hello to the one person who will read this. Not sure which direction this blogs going to go, to be honest i really don’t feel motivated to write anything. This is more like my therapy session.Everyone has their different coping methods, i guess this is mine. 

Talking about coping mechanisms i feel like i drew the shorter,shittier stick. Couldn’t i get a coping method like sex and drugs or somethings. Atleast something a lot more superficial than this garbage i type. I mean i don’t really gain anything from typing this, if i was having lots of sex,doing drugs and partying a lot, yeah  maybe my wallet would lose weight (more like y wallet would be anorexic) and maybe my dick would fall off from all the S.T.I’s, but atleast i’d have fun, i’d be fulfilled. I would probably have a huge hole in y heart (which i think i already have anyway), but i would be happy for those few seconds. But anyways. this is the stick i got, complaining about it won’t get me a new fuckin stick, i guess i’m stuck with this and might as well make the most of it.

Sometimes i wish i had killed myself a long time ago, i don’t have the guts to do it now,nor do i want to. Perfect time, was when i was a teenager,could have ended it all then because honestly sometimes i don’t see the point of me being alive.It’s not like i fucking contribute anyway whatsoever to humanity. Well except for writing this badly drafted drivel and well for i don’t know what, but whatever it is it’s useless. Sometimes i just sit back (sometimes like now,not regularly though, i just like saying sometimes because its something i’m fucking used to typing) and wonder what memories people would have about me when i’m dead, would anyone shed a tear? Honestly i wouldn’t want anyone to waste their tears at my funeral

 

Okay enough self pity,i’m a sucker for pitying myself its so sad, probably got something to do with me hating myself. Maybe i fool myself into believing that i like myself in order to hide the fact that i actually hate myself. But whatever, that shit doesn’t make any fucking sense. It all doesn’t matter really. As the old age saying goes,life is what you make it and the way i see it, its one big joke, i don’t mind laughing the misfortunes i have had, because at the end of the day it’s all just a game, why take it seriously. Yeah you might be depressed as fuck, everyone might think you’re a fucking weirdo and avoid you like the plague, Heck you might even be Mr/Miss/Mrs Forever Alone, but so what? Don’t get me wrong i’m not one of those fucking idiots who’ll tell you that things will get better, because chances are they won’t. Chances are things will either remain the same, or get worse.Life rarely gets better, but that’s not the point. The point is that it’s all just a fucking game. 

Each day we are just going through the motions of a preset game, enjoy it, enjoy the sadness, enjoy the good times, enjoy the depression, enjoy the smiles, enjoy everything. Even if you don’t feel like being in an “enjoyment” mood, enjoy and celebrate that. You are fucking human for christ’s sake, as far as i know, no other animal can celebrate its existence, maybe they can, but to be honest i really don’t give a fuck. 

Anyways c ya

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About FluxFiles

Somewhat random, a little strange, unpredictable at times. I'm a lot of things really, kinda like a coin with 3 sides, you won't find one... cause it doesn't exist..yeah that's right, i don't exist. You are imagining this
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